When I was a kid, I was absolutely TERRIFIED of water. Take me swimming and I'd scream the place down (I had a great scream...it was extremely loud...to the frustration of my parents). Swimming pools? Nope. Showers. Hell no. I had to have the tiniest baths, I was so afraid.
This lasted until I was 14. I was encouraged by a teacher and finally learned to swim. Then I could finally take showers. I still don't like putting my face in and deep water scares me...but I love to swim.
EXCEPT when I get anxious. When I'm anxious, I'm back to being terrified. The smell of chlorine makes me panic. Why is this? Because of a form of post traumatic stress that BPD likes to create. Basically, if something has scared me to death in the past, it will continue to scare me in varying degrees.
I have a few current phobias. My main problem child is telephones. I have a severe phone phobia...I can't make calls and I can't take calls. It's frustrating because people interpret it as "I don't want to" when it's actually "my brain is literally stopping me because it thinks if I answer, I'm going to die". Your brain runs your body...if it doesn't want to do something, it's simply not going to.
I have other phobias...I shut down instantly around any form of yelling...spiders terrify me to the point where I can't even see one on tv...I'm afraid of leaving my safe places...I'm afraid of germs...I'm even afraid of my phobias, that they'll get completely out of control and take over my life.
I have no quick fix for phobias. All I can do is simply try my best to work around them as best I can. This can be so difficult sometimes...especially with the phone phobia. But I do encourage talking about your phobias...make people aware of the problem, because love and support can go a long way to helping with working around phobias.
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